


Friends, Lovers, and Olivia Benson Too

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:32:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4898653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They probably should’ve had this conversation a long time ago.  Maybe they would have if Liv wouldn’t have seemed so cool about the whole thing.  Not that his beating around the bush was her fault in any way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends, Lovers, and Olivia Benson Too

Olivia walked into the apartment and almost called out Rafael’s name. A few feet in she realized that wasn’t a good idea. What she saw on her loveseat made her pause. As quietly as she could, Olivia pulled her phone out of her pocket and took a few pictures. 

Rafael was sound asleep, Noah curled in his arms. The baby was asleep as well. At the end of the loveseat, Rafael’s feet in his lap, was Trevor. Trevor was sleeping with his arms crossed on his chest, head back, and feet resting on the ottoman. Basketball played on TV but the volume was low.

Putting her coat and bag down, Olivia tiptoed across the room. She gently placed her hand on Rafael’s chest and whispered his name. His reaction upon waking was startled, luckily he didn’t jump. He looked at Olivia, then down at Trevor, and back at Olivia again.

“Noah was fussy tonight.” The ADA bit back a yawn. “I wasn’t sure I could do it on my own.”

“Its fine, looks like you two did a great job.” She kissed him.

“Trevor gave him Cheetos.”

“You're an adorable little snitch. I’ll put him down.”

As she moved Noah from Rafael’s lap into her arms, the baby whined. Trevor immediately opened one eye. He smiled.

“Oh hey, Liv.”

“Hey. Thanks for pinch hitting tonight.”

“No problem. I guess we fell asleep.”

“As long as you do that at the same time or after Noah, you're fine.”

She smiled and headed to the nursery. Trevor looked down the loveseat at Rafael. His feet, adorned in grey and red trouser socks, were still in his lap. Neither seemed in a rush to move. It had been a long day and adding a fussy baby to the mix was enough to knock them clean out.

“What time is it?” Trevor asked.

“I have no idea.” Rafael mumbled, wondering if he should just give up and fall asleep again.

Trevor held his wrist up to his face. He rubbed his eyes, mumbling something about contacts and limited light. After some time for his eyes to adjust, he saw it was 11:30.

“Shit, its late.” He was gentle moving Rafael’s feet. “I have to get home. I scheduled an 8:30 staff meeting for tomorrow morning.”

“That wasn’t well thought out.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Trevor stood, throwing his hand back to catch himself from falling back. Once steady, he pushed the ottoman out of the way and did a head to toe stretch. He reached his hand out.

“Walk me to the door.” He said.

“It’s right there.” Rafael pointed across the room.

“I can lift you, you know. It’s been done.”

Groaning, Rafael sat up on the couch. He yawned and then gave Trevor his hand. When they were both on their feet, Trevor reached down and got his backpack from the floor. Olivia came out of the nursery as they were walking to the door.

“I…”

“You don’t owe me, so don’t say it.” Trevor said. “I'm glad I could help.”

“I think I owe you for the diaper.” Rafael said.

“Buy me dinner soon.”

“I can do that.”

“Alright, goodnight.”

“You're alright getting home?” Rafael asked.

“Mmm hmm.” Trevor nodded. “I'm stepping out the door and hailing a cab.”

He used a finger to tilt Rafael’s chin upwards and then kissed his mouth. When he turned to leave, Trevor put his hand on the knob and froze. He didn’t know how long it took to actually exhale but he did. He turned back to Rafael, to apologize, to do something, and he saw Olivia.

“Liv…”

Rafael, who seemed to be frozen in his spot as well, jumped as if he’d been electrocuted. He looked back at Liv. His heart was beating so fast he expected it to hop out of his chest and land on the floor.

“Liv.” He said.

“What? Why are you two looking at me like that?”

“I gotta go.” Trevor turned to leave again. “Goodnight, Liv.”

“Goodnight.” Olivia waved.

“Yeah, um, goodnight.” Rafael mumbled, never taking his eyes off her as Trevor walked out.

“What's the matter?” Olivia asked.

“Did you…how long have you been standing there?”

“A few minutes; I was coming out to say goodnight to Trevor. Do you want some tea? I know it’s late but I think I'm going to have a cup to help me sleep. Noah is down for the count.”

“Liv, I'm so sorry.”

“For what?” she smiled. 

She turned and went into the kitchen. On the way there, she stopped and turned off the television. Rafael put his head in his hand for a moment and then followed. He pulled out a bar stool to sit as she went about filling the kettle.

“I kissed Trevor. Well, actually, he kissed me but I didn’t stop him.”

“I did see that.”

“You saw it and you're not mad?” he asked.

“Friends kiss each other hello and goodbye all the time. Should it bother me because you're both men?”

“It should bother you because we used to be lovers.” Rafael mumbled.

“You're not lovers anymore; Trevor is a friend. I'm glad he was here to help with Noah.”

Rafael nodded but didn’t say anything else for a while. Olivia figured he didn’t want any tea or he would’ve said so. She took a couple of small jars from the cabinet. Peppermint might be too strong tonight. Sleepy time might be good for her rest but it didn’t go so well with honey. 

Green would be nice but chamomile was probably better. Taking one bag, Olivia put the jars back. She lifted the kettle from the stove just as it started to hiss. The last thing they needed was the shrill sound to wake Noah.

“Are you sure you won't have some?” she asked, pouring hot water into her World’s Best Mom mug.

“You’ve never batted an eyelash.” Rafael said. “You’ve never batted an eyelash and I need to talk about that.”

“Do you want to talk about it over tea?”

He finally relented on the tea, which he didn’t care about one way or the other. They went into the bedroom with their mugs, Olivia relaxing on the bed and Rafael sitting in the chair. He had no idea what he was going to say or how he would say it but it needed to be said. They'd been seeing each other for months now and Olivia had never said a word about it, not really.

“So what's this about my never batting an eyelash?”

“I mean about Trevor and I.”

“I wouldn’t judge you on past relationships, Rafi…I'm not that kind of person. You’ve never judged me about Brian. Anyway, Trevor is my friend and if he's not uncomfortable with us when we’re together than why should I be worried about something that happened years ago.”

“He's a man, Liv. Trevor is a man and so am I.” he looked in his lap when he spoke. They probably should’ve had this conversation a long time ago. Maybe they would have if Liv wouldn’t have seemed so cool about the whole thing. Not that his beating around the bush was her fault in any way.

“I've never been bothered with your being a bisexual.” Olivia said, trying to choose her words carefully. She never wanted to hurt or upset him. Obviously this was something he really needed to talk about. “You and I are in a monogamous relationship that I enjoy. Who you were intimate with in the past, regardless of gender, is not my business unless it puts me in some kind of danger. Though I'm not privy to all of the details, I'm as comfortable with Trevor being your ex as I would be any woman.”

“I don’t talk about it a lot.”

“You disclosed months ago. If I didn’t know the kiss might have come as a shock.” She sipped her tea.

“I should talk about it more.” He said.

“Only if you're comfortable with it. Why are you all the way over there? C'mere, I want to give you a hug.”

Rafael got up and came to sit on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her, exhaling when Olivia did the same. She kissed his neck and held on tight.

“It makes people uncomfortable.” He said, inhaling the scent of her skin. “People tolerate gay but they bristle when they hear bisexual. I never wanted to see that look on your face.”

“You never will.” She shook her head. “Do people know? Have you come out?”

“My mother knows. She always tells me to just meet a nice girl and settle down…she thinks it will cure me. My abuelita thought I was gay. We never talked about it out loud but she said she just wanted me to be happy. I would never have dared to tell my father or my brother. Some close acquaintances know, Trevor knows; and now you.”

Olivia caressed his face and smiled. She kissed his cheek, then his nose, and finally his lips. She rested her forehead on his and kissed him again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Liv.” He gave her a more enthusiastic kiss. “I love you too.”

“So you don’t have to worry that your friendship with Trevor is something that concerns me. We all need someone in our lives who just knows us. They know all the deep, dark stuff and the ugly things and still love you. Trevor loves you.”

“I love him too.”

“Make sure you tell him, OK?”

“I will.” Rafael sighed. “I'm exhausted.”

“I bet you are. How long has this been weighing on you?”

He told her that it hadn’t been for too long but that wasn’t true. Since the night he told her about it, nearly six months ago, Rafael thought he might have made a mistake. He couldn’t understand how Liv never brought it up again. She never asked if he had relationships with other men or anything about his sexual past. She didn’t seemed grossed out or morbidly curious. 

And he also outed Trevor, which wasn’t his place. As far as Rafael knew, Olivia knew nothing about Trevor’s sexuality. It was a crazy thing to do that night but his gut told him to. He just wanted to be honest with her because he so often felt that he couldn’t be. As usual, his brain had suffered the fallout.

“I'm going to double check on Noah.” Olivia got up from the bed. “You should finish your tea and then undress. It’s time to call it a night.”

“That sounds perfect.” He gave her a tired smile. “Liv?”

“Yeah?” she stopped just shy of the bedroom door.

Rafael didn’t say anything, his face just broke out in a wide grin. Olivia’s did the same before she turned and walked out of the room. He went back over to the chair and drank some tea. It was still pretty warm so he enjoyed a bit of it. He slipped his suspenders off and emptied his pockets. His phone was the last thing in there so Rafael thought about it for a moment and then quickly scrolled through the address book. The number rang four times before voicemail picked up.

‘ _This is Trevor Langan, please leave a message after the tone. If this is business you're calling on the wrong number, hang up and dial (212) 555-0180. Thanks, have a great day_.’ **BEEP!**

“I know you have an early morning tomorrow but I just wanted to call and thank you for coming to hang out with Noah and me tonight. I really appreciate it. Also, and I'm not even sure you know this but Liv knows about our prior relationship. She knows we were lovers, she knows I'm bisexual, and everything is OK. I don’t want to hear an I told you so Trev, this is a courtesy call. I love you, talk soon, goodnight.”

He got up, put his cell phone on the dresser and began to undress. Even though he and Liv now had different colored phones thanks to the Rita Calhoun incident, when they were together in their blanket cocoon he didn’t want to be disturbed by the world. It would come for them eventually, it always did. Didn’t they deserve seven hours or so to just be Liv and Rafi? She’d left him in bed on more than one occasion when she caught a call. He completely understood when she had to leave. But there was nothing on a phone that should take an ADA out of a bed he shared with the most beautiful woman.

Rafael was down to his boxers, trouser socks, and Hanes tee shirt. He hung his suit on the hook outside Liv’s closet because it needed to go to the cleaners. Two of his other suits were hanging in the closet and there were times when he considered bringing more. He spent more nights there than Liv and Noah spent with him. Rafael just wasn’t sure how comfortable he was, much less how Olivia would feel, if he started bringing more things over. Should he have a suitcase or something? Should he hang his shoe bag over one of her many doors so he'd better be able to pick a pair based on mood? He only had his Hana Mori cologne there but never liked smelling the same day after day.

“Well you're halfway there, Counselor.” Liv said. She walked back into the room and pushed the door up.

“I was getting undressed and then I started to think too much.”

“What are you thinking about?” Liv finished most of her tea. She went over to the dresser and pulled gray yoga pants and a Buckcherry concert tee from the top drawer.

“We may need more room if I continue to stay here as much as I do.” Rafael replied. “It’s not something to think about right at this moment but we do need to think about it.”

“We can do split shifts…work that out over the next week or so. Come to bed.”

“Yes ma'am.” He took off his socks, put them in the hamper, and then joined Olivia under the blankets.

She exhaled a satisfying sigh when the lamp went out and they were bathed in moonlight. Rafael rested on his back and Liv curled up on his arms. He wrapped his arms around her, slipping his hand up her tee shirt to caress her back. Liv spread her hand across his chest, tickling her fingers along until she got to his heartbeat.

“I'm really lucky to have someone like you in my life.” He said, putting his hand over hers.

“I'm lucky too. And I meant what I said earlier, we’re going to find out things about each other. Sometimes it’ll be because we tell each other, and other times it might be by accident. There are surely plenty of things to know. None of it will change the way I feel right now, in this bed. If there's something you think I need to know, that might change that you can tell me now.”

“I'm so much more boring than my lack of talking about myself makes me appear. There is one thing that I feel comfortable telling you though…the condo.”

“Ahh yes, Mr. Central Park West.”

“When I was in law school, second year, I met a man named Peter Forster. He found himself to be smitten with me. To my knowledge no one had ever found themselves in that position before. He was older, in his late 40s, and he wanted my company. It didn’t take long for me to share his sentiment. 

“Only after that did I find out just who his family was, how much money he had, and that I probably now looked like a trophy boyfriend. He ran in upper echelon gay and straight circles and introduced me to a world I hardly knew existed except for books. We were together for two years and then I came back to New York to pursue my law career. We kept in touch a bit over the next few years and he called me immediately when he found out he was dying. It was stage 2 myeloma. 

“It’s treatable but there is no cure. The doctors were giving him 2 to 4 years and telling him that the first two would be his best. We traveled together for a month to all of these amazing European, Asian, and African locations. When we got back he told me he loved me and that we would likely never see each other again. I didn’t like it but I understood. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have seen him again anyway if he hadn’t fallen ill. 

“Two years after that I got the call from a mutual friend that Peter was gone. I went to Cambridge for the funeral and wake. His family was as comfortable as that kind of family could be with his homosexuality. He even had an ex-wife and a daughter who loved him dearly before he decided to live his life honestly. At the reading of the will, I found out about the condo. 

“He left it to me because I told him once, maybe more than once, that I grew up worrying about money. I would lie in bed at night and wonder if mom and dad had enough to cover the rent or would we have to go and live in the projects. It scared me. Peter said I would never have to worry again that there would be no place to lay my head. He also left me a quarter of a million dollars in a 10 year IRA with a pretty decent interest rate on it. 

“I didn’t want the money but his brother, who I had grown close to when Peter and I were together said that Peter insisted. It had been their mother, Evelyn Forster, who insisted on the non-disclosure agreement. I signed it, got the packet with all of my inheritance information in it, the keys to the condo, and a few other personal trinkets Peter left me. And that’s why I live at The Langham.”

“Was Peter your first love?” Olivia asked.

“He was my first real lover.” Rafael nodded. “I had my fair share of casual sex in college. I'd finally shed all my baby fat and for the first time in my life felt attractive. I was in another place, far away from the Bronx, and felt I could cultivate my own personality. I no longer had to live in the shadow of being the fat Barba kid. I got myself some confidence, used some of my stipend money to shop at Banana Republic, and Rafael Barba was born.”

“I was 16 when I fell in love for the first time.” Liv said. “He was 20, a college student at Hudson. My mother was a professor there and that’s how I met him. I was a wild child, which people never believe. I didn’t have a lot of focus and was sad and angry all the time. 

“I was the kid in the imitation leather jacket and combat boots, who dyed her hair black and smoked the fancy clove cigarettes. It was like Goth-lite. Then I met him and he saw right through all that. I didn’t have a father, not that I looked up to him paternally. 

“I just never had a male in my life say you’re OK. Even if you're not OK in this moment, you are going to be OK. Jake did that. He came into my life exactly when I needed him to. When my mother found out about it, she hit the roof.”

“I'm sure, you were just 16. He was violating the law.”

“We weren't even sleeping together.” Olivia said. “I wasn’t a virgin but he wanted to wait…wanted it all above board. We really did intend to get married when he graduated. But my mother threatened him. She threatened to have him brought up on statutory rape charges. 

“I tried to fight her, literally, and she slashed me with a broken wine bottle. I left my house that night and didn’t go back for a few months. My friend Simone got me a space in a group home. It wasn’t easy but I kept going to school and I kept seeing Jake. In the end, the heat was too much for the both of us. We did love each other but we lived in constant fear of what my mother might do to him. 

“He wanted to be teacher, which wouldn’t have been possible with a rape blemish on his record even in the days before Megan’s Law. So we broke up. I left the group home and went home for my senior year of high school. I couldn’t get out of there and up to Siena fast enough. My relationship with my mother was never the same. I always loved her so much but never understood her.”

Rafael held her tighter, kissing her forehead. No more bad memories tonight. Having conversations like this were important to the progression of a relationship. Rafael hated the past, for more reasons than he could count. He wanted to focus on the future, especially if that meant being with Olivia. 

They'd both been through different shit storms but maybe it was to end up right here. All of it to end up in this bed, holding onto one another. Nothing was perfect and this didn’t need to be. They could be happy. And when the next shit storm came, they always came, the couple could get through it together. He really liked the sound of that.

“We’ll get some sleep.” He whispered into her hair. “Tomorrow always comes faster than any of us would like.”

“That’s the truth.” Olivia yawned. “Goodnight, I love you.”

“Sueños dulces mi amor.”

***


End file.
